Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?
by Cameo45
Summary: Future AU. Puck says something that may destroy the happy life he has been living with Rachel.


He and Rachel had been arguing more than ever before in their marriage and he was tired. The new album wasn't going well, and instead of bolstering him up, Rachel complained about all the times he wasn't there. He couldn't even remember when he kissed her other than as he walked out the door.

"Noah, Micah would like you to help him with his homework tonight," she reminded him once again as he gathered his keys to return to the studio.

"I get it Rachel. I heard you, okay? The dogs down the street heard you! I'll try and be back in time, alright? Because surely you can't deign to help him," he yelled losing his temper. "If you nagged me less, I could have been gone by now and working. But no, always have to have the last word, right Rachel? Geez, I love you as the mother of my children, but I'm not sure I'm in love with you anymore or that I ever was," he said. He only realized exactly what he said as he watched her flinch, and pain briefly flashed across her eyes.

"I. . ." he tried to take it back, but was interrupted by a slamming door. Their second daughter Ilse entered the room, and Rachel immediately smiled if only just a little tightly and opened her arms for the girl that was just as beautiful as her mother.

"How was Auntie San's, baby girl?" Rachel asked, and he watched her close her eyes as for a moment as she gathered strength in her daughter's embrace, before she once again was the strong mom their children knew.

"I had so much fun. Did you know. . ." she began, before Rachel interrupted.

"Sorry, but wait just a minute sweetheart. Didn't you need to be going, Noah?" Rachel asked keeping Ilse tucked in her arms and me away.

"I. . . yeah," I gave in, knowing there was no way to apologize with our inquisitive child in the room.

* * *

I got home late that night, like all lights were off late. I had tried to get home earlier, but nothing worked in the studio. I kept hearing what I said to Rachel playing in my head, and I would mess up the guitar strings or trip over the words of the song. My producer noticed my preoccupation, but insisted we get something done. So we tried song writing, but the only words that came out we're 'I'm sorry' and eventually he gave up and let me come home. Too late to help Micah obviously, but I was here. I could only hope Rachel had somehow forgotten the words I'd spoken in the midst of taking care of the kids and fixing supper.

Walking in I noticed several things, one for the first time in years Rachel had put away all the leftovers. There was no plate waiting for me in the microwave or stove. Which, okay, maybe I deserved. The second was Micah's project sitting on the table. Reading the title, I understood why Rachel thought it so important that I help. It was about me, apparently Micah had to do a project about his hero, guessing from his title and he picked me. He must have been supposed to do an interview, because at the beginning it explained how his dad was really busy so the woman who knew him best had stepped in. He read the whole thing, and couldn't help but be amazed at Rachel all over again. Even as angry as she must have been, she hadn't portrayed him as a bad guy or insisted Micah pick someone else. She'd just covered and answered the questions way more awesomely than he could have.

He went upstairs feeling thankful for her, and the voice that kept calling him an idiot and douche on repeat while he'd been in the studio was silenced for the moment. He found her sleeping soundly, and couldn't help thinking that she deserved rest as she'd been looking tired lately, but he hadn't really noticed until now and definitely hadn't been able to help around the house with the new album going so poorly. He got ready for bed as quickly as possible, then snuggled into his wife just as he had for the last forty years.

Rachel, however, wasn't as asleep as he thought, "Don't touch me," she hissed as she threw his arm off, and scooted closer to the edge to avoid his touch.

"Rach?" he questioned dumbly, but still moved toward the middle of the bed so she wouldn't fall in her attempt to get away from him.

"I thought you'd be smart enough to stay at the studio tonight at least. But,no. And I can't make you sleep on the couch or one of the spare rooms, because one of the kids might notice. So just stay on your side and don't _touch_ me," she hissed. It almost broke his heart that with 'touch' he could hear the sob she was barely holding back. But he would do what she asked, for tonight anyway. As she huddled further into herself, he couldn't help but hate himself a little and the voice inside took up the refrain again.

* * *

The next day, he got up early in the hopes of making amends (and as a consequence of not really being able to sleep the night before-he missed his wife). He made breakfast for the family, and had Rachel's tea waiting just the way she like it. Rachel was still the quietest he'd ever seen her and really only interacted with the kids. She wouldn't flinch if he touched her in front of them, but she didn't lean into his touch as she always had.

"What time are you getting together with Uncle Kurt and everyone?" Micah asked before going up to get dressed for school, for which he was immensely grateful as he'd forgotten about the get together and surely wouldn't be getting a reminder from Rachel.

"Don't worry, honey. Caroline will be here to look after you and Ilse, you won't have to suffer Ilse's cooking. And I'll be there to pick you up, since it's not until 6, baby," Rachel said, affectionately kissing her youngest on the forehead. Their youngest looked like him, but took after Rachel. He was studious and still a mama's boy. His only fights so far had been people insulting his family, he didn't care what they said about him but held his mother and sisters sacred.

* * *

He had text Blaine to remind him of the bar they were meeting at, and made sure to be there in plenty of time. He even picked Rachel's favorite flowers up, and it wasn't until Kurt arrived and gave him a questioning look that he wondered what he'd forgotten and what it would cost him as far as Rachel's ire.

"Where's Rachel?" Kurt asked immediately, and then even Blaine was giving him appraising looks.

"We drove separate cars," he offered hoping the answer would be acceptable.

"So?" Blaine finally questioned and before he could claim his ignorance, Santana arrived and distracted the pair. Rachel was the last to arrive.

"Diva," Kurt jumped from his seat, and pulled her close. He watched his wife lean gratefully into her best friend, and the tense lines on her face he'd grown use to especially ever since his blunder relaxed while she was in the other man's arms. "I know how you like to heighten suspense, but I've been so nervous all day." She smiled tightly up at him. "I remember the rules though, we all sing first. So get up there, Diva and start us off right."

The song she picked broke his heart. He'd done that, he'd hurt her that much. And flowers weren't going to fix it, he wasn't even sure 'Sweet Caroline' could help.

It said, you don't even know who I am  
You left me a long time ago  
You don't even know who I am  
So what do you care if I go

"Patty Loveless?" Sam questioned as she sat down.

She nodded at Sam from her seat between Blaine and Quinn. Kurt hugged her obviously worried as he made his way up to the stage, and Blaine took her hand in his own. Kurt sang a standard of his, more concerned with what was happening at the table he just left than the words he was singing.

Rachel left for the bathroom with Kurt following when it was his turn to go on stage, and he realized that this wouldn't be apology enough either. She and Kurt returned when he was about halfway through the first song he ever wrote, all about a tiny brunette who'd captured his mind and soul. He watched as the blonde in the front row who'd avidly been watching stopped her on her return to her seat, over the music he barely heard the question, "Do you know him?"

His wife glanced up at him, and as they locked eyes for the first time in two days, he heard her response as though it were as loud as canyon fire, "Not anymore." Kurt looked shocked, but hurried along to follow her back to their seats.

Once he finished, and was sitting, Blaine as the last performer was getting ready to get up, when Rachel stopped him, "Blaine, I really think you should sing 'I'm sorry' by Blake Shelton. Replacing girl with boy of course," she smiled up at him. He looked at her unsurely, but nevertheless nodded. The title had given him hope, but he should have paid more attention to the worry on Sam's face, the only true country fan at the table. Either way as soon as Blaine sang, "Well I'm sorry, but sometimes sorry just ain't good enough," he got the message clear enough.

"O.k.a.y," Kurt breathed out as an uncomfortable Blaine sat back down at the table, "um, ignoring the undercurrent just for a minute. Rachel, everyone sang, it's time to tell us what the doctor said."

Wait, doctor? What doctor? He didn't remember any doctor, and he could see confusion on several others of the table's faces. But she was smiling at Kurt obviously not as confused as he was, and replied, "I'm fine, Kurt. The biopsy just showed a cyst, I'm fine." Biopsy, that vaguely rang a bell. Biopsy he said in his head slowly once more testing it out, and suddenly he remembered. He remembered holding her hand and promising to be there every step of the way as they did a biopsy last month, after her mammogram had come up as questionable. He remembered setting up this night with her and Kurt as a way to celebrate or share the news, how they made Kurt promise that everyone would sing before they shared the news 'just in case'. Most of all, he remembered he was supposed to be there with her at the appointment when she got the news today, whatever it was.

"Rachel, I. . ." he began.

"Don't worry, I didn't expect you to come, Puck", she interrupted. The way she said what had once been his nickname felt like a blow.

"Um, maybe you should fill the rest of us in," Finn suggested still not really getting the whole doctor and biopsy thing. He could see Santana appraising both he and Rachel.

Rachel turned with a predatory smile, "I figured out the perfect gift for our 35th wedding anniversary," she told the table.

"And he didn't like it?" Finn unwisely guessed, still no better at reading her then he was in high school.

"Oh no, he'll love it," Rachel glibly pronounced.

Kurt had been surveying her during these exchanges, and finally offered, "Rach, maybe you should tell us what this 'gift' is." His worry was clearly evident in his voice.

She laughed bitterly, "Why a divorce, of course." I and the rest of the table gasped as the word left her mouth.

"Rachel!" I exclaimed. "I made a mistake, okay. A huge, gigantic, messy one, but all the same just a mistake," I tried to reason, while she looked on unimpressed.

"But you can't," Finn whined, despite the fact he'd already been through three divorces, and even Quinn nodded despite her one divorce.

"Stop," Santana intervened. "Rachel will go with Kurt and Blaine, Puck comes with me and Brittany," she paused and seemed to think for a moment, "with the option of Brittany and Blaine switching places if it becomes necessary as mandated by myself or Kurt. The respective children will go to the Puckerman house with Sam and Q, and, " she paused once more looking at available options, "Mercedes." She nodded obviously happy with her choice. "The rest of you are free to go home, but are on call in case you're needed in one of the three locations."

"That's not fair," Finn whined.

"Fine, go with the children," Santana snapped as she got up and began to drag me away with her. I couldn't take my eyes off Rachel's face even as Santana dragged me and her words about the biopsy's result kept going through my head, something about them not quite right.

It came to me in the car, but I was so shocked, I didn't say anything until we were in San's house and Mercedes had taken the kids to my house. "She lied, San. Rachel lied."

"So no divorce?" the girl asked confused.

"No, she meant that. And I have to. . . I can't lose her. But she lied, she's not fine."

"Yeah, I wondered if you picked up on that," Santana signed as she sent Brit to bring her some tequila and start coffee.

Brittany returned with the bottle and let Santana know the coffee was percolating. We'd been sitting silently, but San turned and said, "You can have two shots and as much coffee as you want. But you better start talking."

"I didn't mean it you know?" I asked before taking the first shot.

"What did you do?" Brittany asked voice heavy with condemnation.

"Or who?" Santana added darkly.

"No," I shook my head, "I didn't . . .it wasn't that. I. . .she might not be so angry if it was that. It's worse," I tried to explain and took my second shot. I didn't think I could do this, not with sunshine and rainbows staring at me.

"Go check on the coffee, Britt," Santana said reading me as well as always, then nodded at me to continue when the girl-woman left.

"I told her. . .I told her I didn't love her wasn't sure that I ever had, that I just appreciated her as the mother of my children," I finally blurted with my head down. Her gasp spoke volumes. "God, San, what do I do? I don't want to lose her, I can't. And then I didn't go today, so I don't know what they said, not really. And she has to be okay, she has to be," I rambled the floodgates open now that the worse was out.

"Britt, call Q," she ordered though I could feel her piercing eyes still on my form. Then she handed me another shot and downed one herself. Yeah, it was that bad.

* * *

"Okay, Rachel, now that we're here, why don't you explain why you would even joke about divorce?" Kurt cautiously asked the weirdly quiet Rachel. He had dealt with Rachel in almost all her forms (though Noah had become the only true expert), but quiet was new and scary.

"Here, have a seat first, Rach," Blaine said ushering her in to the living room since Sam had just left with their two children.

"I lied," Rachel said.

"Oh thank God," Kurt couldn't help breathing out.

But Blaine sat by her and gently wrapped his arm around the trembling woman, "About what, Rach?"

She looked up and they both noticed the tears, "It's . . .I mean it is a cyst, but there were some cells that. . . .well, they couldn't rule it out you know?" she asked sounded half in shock herself, and Kurt fell onto the couch on the other side of her. But she kept her gaze on Blaine and continued speaking, "I could just go in for an incisional biopsy you know, and maybe it's just those few cells, but maybe it's more. And if it's more, or well in case it's more I guess, I could just . . .just let them cut it off." She looked searchingly up at Blaine.

"So what are you going to do?" he asked, not sure if was what she needed or not.

"I have three kids, Blaine. I. . .their can't be more. I can't, they need me. I'm not going to do it halfway and then sit around waiting."

"I understand," he nodded. "But what does. . .why. . .what about Puck?" he finally asked after stumbling for the right question.

"He doesn't love me," she whispered looking away from Blaine's bright eyes for the first time.

"_Rachel_," Kurt chastised.

"He told me, Kurt," she said looking at him. "Point blank told me. And I. . .I can't do this with his pity. Noah has always loved all the things that make a woman a _woman_. And he wouldn't leave me obviously knowing, because of how you would all judge him. But he, he only cares for me in that I gave him children; he said he's never loved me. I can't bare the way he'll look at me, as though I'm no longer a woman especially knowing he doesn't even love me. I can't," she told them. Then pulling out of their embrace and standing. "I won't. He has hardly been there now, and the kids and I we've done fine. So. . .he gets a new house and our friends shuttle the kids to him every other weekend, or you know they drive themselves, but he can explore other options and I can do what I need to."

"Rach," Kurt breathed out heartbroken for his best friend.

"Don't, Kurt. I can do this. I'm going to be fine. I'm done talking about this though, "she told him.

Blaine caressed Kurt's hand before standing, "I'll walk you to your room."

"I know the way," she spoke emotionless.

"Yeah, but then I don't get to hug you as we walk, while pretending I'm not," Blaine smiled at her and she relented knowing she needed their support in the coming days, and Blaine felt the way she melted into his side and worried.

* * *

"Q, you're his baby mama," Santana spoke when the other woman entered the room, having already sent Brittany to their room so as not to upset her.

Quinn's eye widened, before she returned scathingly, "Gee thanks. Really thought we were past all that, San."

"No, I need you to explain how you and Rachel are different," Santana spoke undeterred by the blonde's attitude.

"Well, she's his wife?" she returned sarcastically.

"He told her he only loved her as the mother of his children, wasn't in love with her, Q. So please explain how you two are different."

"Oh," Quinn exclaimed her eyes widening comically. Then after a moment she gently smiled, "You always touched Rachel, I mean even before she was pregnant, but after it was like your hand was drawn to her abdomen. I know, I didn't really let you touch me, but with Caroline I was intrigued at how often you were seen with your hand cradling your child. Your favorite seemed to be one hand around Rach's shoulders and the other on her abdomen even before there was a noticeable bump. I knew before you announced both Ilse and Micah because of the placement of your hands. They were no longer just on her in general. There was one time, when Finn being Finn knocked Rachel over. It was early in I think Rachel's pregnancy with Ilse. You rushed to Rachel's side to help her up, and then stood embracing her one hand on her neck and one on her abdomen, and for a moment we all though Finn was safe. Then after that moment of quiet murmuring you kissed her and turned on Finn. Sam and Blaine just barely held you back from murdering him. I also remember you lambasting San when she joked about Rachel's weight gain before you told us all about Micah as she started showing earlier than with Caroline and Ilse, the same man who criticized my weight gain with Beth. Rachel has always been your exception and you're an idiot if you can't see that," Quinn finished with a slight glare.

"Excellent, now how do we use that?" Santana asked turning to him.

"We need Artie and I need to go to the house."

"Why?" San and Q questioned.

"I've got a plan to win my wife back."

"I call Artie, and San can drive you to the house," Q answered, game for whatever plan.

* * *

They arrived at Kurt and Blaine's house around mid-morning. Except for Puck, they'd taken turns sleeping when he didn't need them. Quinn and San had helped with story-boarding, and then slept while Artie filmed. San had leant her vocals to the haunting melody Puck played with guitar than overlaid with piano that would be the background music, and Artie cat-napped. Then Quinn shared her observations, having been only a baby mama. Next, came the editing process, and the girls slept while Noah anxiously watched over Artie's shoulder. Finally, the girls were awakened (including Brittany) and the video was screened, while Artie slept. At their approval, the group found themselves on the Hummel-Anderson porch where Blaine answered the door, sans smile for maybe the first time ever.

"We want to see Rach," Puck spoke, cockiness fully intact.

"No," Blaine answered and began closing the door.

"Wait," Noah begged. "I. . .just show her this video okay? And let them in," he gestured to the former gleeks who spent their night helping him.

"Why should I?" Blaine asked, not yet willing to take the proffered video.

"Because she lied about being fine, and I . . .I want to be there. Through whatever the next step is and whatever it takes to be fine, I want to be there. She's . . .everything, Blaine. Please," he begged.

And Blaine relented, he took the video. He still denied entrance to them, "She's vulnerable, and sides have been chosen," was the only thing he said before he closed the door.

He thought about warning the pair on the couch watching musical's in their pajamas, but ultimately decided to just put it in the player. Like, 'Opps, somehow My Fair Lady got replaced'.

Rachel eyes widened as a black short skirt filled the screen, and Noah's voice flowed from their surround sound, Kurt turned to glare at him though he tried to look innocent. Rachel's eyes though where glued to the screen.

When he heard, "This was the first time, I began to fall in love with you," he considered murdering Puck, but the narration continued. "It's the skirt you were wearing the first and only time I was slushied. You could have laughed at me, you could have pointed out that I deserved it after all the drinks I poured on you. But you led me to a bathroom, rinsed me off and forgave me. I was intrigued and grateful and just a little bit in love with the girl who was so much better than me already."

When bleachers pop up, he's a little confused when all that said is, "You were right, I never would have broken up with you," he would question it, but there's a small smile on Rachel's face that he's so glad to see he stays silent. Kurt too seems amused.

Various outfits and places are shown all with little comments, until he hears a melody he vaguely recalls, maybe 'Want you now' or something, with a picture of their old McKinley choir room. "I'm pretty sure you were mostly annoyed they interrupted your performance. But for a moment, seeing you and having heard plenty of your spiels on non-violence react so fiercely against the footballers, it felt like you were defending me like you were offended on my behalf. I gave another piece of my heart to you on that day, and I don't think I've ever really stopped needing you now."

The video continued showing little bits of their history, little places and objects that would otherwise be meaningless without Noah's voice giving them significance in Rachel and Noah's shared history.

He was still partially Puck, so he talked about how nervous he was the first time she let him touch her and the first time she let him go all the way. But he was also Noah, telling her, she was the only woman who even after countless times together that he still couldn't get enough of, that he would never stop wanting more with.

He showed a gazebo and talked about asking her to marry him, about going to Nana Connie for the ring and talking to her fathers terrified they'd realize he wasn't good enough for her. Since their engagement story was something they'd always kept between themselves, it was incredible to see that it hadn't happened in their bed, but instead all the planning Noah had put into it.

When a picture of Rachel pregnant with Caroline popped up, they were all surprised to hear a different voice. Quinn's talking about how different Puck was with Rachel, how he seemed to be amazed by each change and couldn't keep his hands off of her.

Moments from their whole lives were here, documented to show how much Noah loved Rachel. It was surprising then when the last shot was a website, with the title slowly zoomed in on, "Noted Musician Noah Puckerman postpones his next album for 6 months to a year citing 'Family Concerns'". Rachel gasped and tore her eyes from the screen to look accusingly at first Kurt then Blaine.

"Come on, babe, you know I know you better than 'I'm fine'," Noah's voice spoke somehow closer than before, and he was just as surprised as Rachel and Kurt when the man stepped around the corner. The two turned in unison to glare, when a chuckle turned them back to Puck.

"Do you know how hard it is to pick a lock with neighbors as nosy as yours? Every time I'd get the tumbler I'd lose it when I had to wave at someone concerned. Finally, I had the girls set up as a perimeter blocking me so I could get in," he explained, slowly moving closer, watching Rachel as one would a caged animal.

"I'm sorry," he spoke once he was directly in front of Rachel. "I. . .I'm terrified of losing you, Rach. So I guess after the biopsy when it felt like such a real possibility I tried to live without you. I remember the first few days I couldn't shut my mind off in the studio, so I thought if I could just forget there I could go on like normal like you wanted. But, it didn't work. I got so deep in denial, that I stopped being present in our life. I left the kids and the house and life to you, when I should have been supporting you the most. I should have known you were scared, and forced you to lean on me. But I ran, as much as I always promised I wouldn't. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry I said the worst thing to you that I could think of, just because I was terrified. But I lied, I mean you did to when you said you were fine, but mine hurt more. I love you Rachel," here he stopped and glanced shyly at Kurt and I, then returned his gaze to Rachel to bravely continue. "You know, I don't do words, they've always been your thing babe. I knew words alone wouldn't erase what I said after last night, so I. . .I tried to show you. Show you that not only do I love you now, but I've always loved you and that I always will and our life so far has been a testament to that, no matter what I said in anger. I want to be beside you no matter what comes next, chemo, double mastectomy, losing your hair, early menopause; it doesn't matter as long as I don't lose you." Here he stopped and looked at her hopefully.

"Noah. . ." she spoke tentatively.

"Please," he begged falling to his knees.

Rachel closed her eyes, "Okay, but one chance Noah. That's all."

"Okay, babe," he said burying his head into her stomach as he wrapped his arms around her still on his knees. She finally looked at peace in his arms I noticed.

"Rach," he asked, looking up at her, "what did the doctor say? What's our next step?"

"They . . .there were just some questionable cells. I can either get an incisional biopsy where they take a chunk and see if they need to do more, or I could just go for the mastectomy to be sure," she told him not revealing she'd already made a choice.

"You're going to do the mastectomy, right? I want to be sure. . .sure sounds great babe," Noah asked not even hesitating.

"That would mean losing my whole breast, Noah," Rachel explained, not sure he understood.

"Uh, yeah," he answered back somewhat exasperated as he stood, "but you'll be safe."

"Okay, Noah," she seemingly acquiesced as though it hadn't already been her intention.

"Really?" he asked, more excited than any man had probably been in the history of ever that his wife would be losing a breast. "Thank you," Noah spoke pulling her against him and kissing her soundly. "I can't lose you, I won't," he murmured against her lips.

Kurt caught my hand on his way out the room, and dragged me to follow him, so the rest of the reunion would be unwitnessed. We did pause in our foyer to reassure everyone, that Puckleberry? Totally back together (and possibly soon to be consummating that reunion in our living room).


End file.
